Identity & Self-Perception
What parts of yourself do you try to hide from others
Example answers:
• My anger—I don’t want people to think I’m aggressive.
• My neediness—I’m afraid of being seen as clingy.
• My ambition—it feels like I’ll be judged for being “too much.”
What parts of yourself do you judge or dislike the most?
Example answers:
•I hate how anxious I get around people.
• I judge myself for procrastinating and being “lazy.”
• I dislike how jealous I can get in relationships.
Who do you feel you “have to be” in order to be accepted or loved?
Example answers:
• I feel like I have to be calm and easygoing all the time.
• I think I need to be the high-achiever to feel valuable.
• I act like the “funny one” so people won’t see how sad I really feel.
When do you feel most inauthentic or like you're “performing”?
Example Answers
What parts of yourself do you try to hide from others
Example answers:
• My anger—I don’t want people to think I’m aggressive.
• My neediness—I’m afraid of being seen as clingy.
• My ambition—it feels like I’ll be judged for being “too much.”
What parts of yourself do you judge or dislike the most?
Example answers:
•I hate how anxious I get around people.
• I judge myself for procrastinating and being “lazy.”
• I dislike how jealous I can get in relationships.
Who do you feel you “have to be” in order to be accepted or loved?
Example answers:
• I feel like I have to be calm and easygoing all the time.
• I think I need to be the high-achiever to feel valuable.
• I act like the “funny one” so people won’t see how sad I really feel.
When do you feel most inauthentic or like you're “performing”?
Example Answers
• When I’m at work pretending I’m fine even though I’m burned out.
• Around my family—I hide that I don’t share their beliefs anymore.
• On social media—I post only the good stuff and feel fake about it.
Emotions & Triggers
What emotions do you try to avoid or suppress?
Example Answers
• Anger—I grew up thinking it was dangerous.
• Grief—I’m scared that if I cry, I won’t stop.
• Envy—I feel guilty for wanting what others have.
What kind of people or situations trigger a strong emotional reaction in you?
Example Answers
• People who interrupt me—I get irrationally angry.
• When someone ignores my message—I feel abandoned.
• Confident women—I feel small and insecure around them.
When was the last time you overreacted? What might have been underneath that?
Example Answers
• I lashed out when my partner was late—I felt disrespected and unimportant.
• I got super defensive during feedback at work—I felt ashamed.
• I shut down during a disagreement—I was afraid of being rejected.
Example Answers
• I lashed out when my partner was late—I felt disrespected and unimportant.
• I got super defensive during feedback at work—I felt ashamed.
• I shut down during a disagreement—I was afraid of being rejected.
What do you feel irrationally angry, jealous, or resentful about?
Example Answers
• I feel resentful when people expect me to always be the caretaker.
• I’m angry at myself for not living up to my own expectations.
Childhood & Conditioning
What were you taught was “bad” or “unacceptable” when you were growing up?
Example Answers
• Showing emotion—“don’t cry” was the rule.
• Talking back—I was punished for having opinions.
• Being too loud or expressive—it wasn’t ladylike.
Were there parts of you that you had to hide to feel safe as a child?
Example Answers
• My sensitivity—I was teased for being too emotional.
• My intelligence—I pretended not to be smart to fit in.
• My anger—I learned to smile and stay quiet instead.
Who did you have to be in your family in order to get love or attention?
Example Answers
• The responsible one—I took care of everyone.
• The achiever—I got praise when I succeeded.
• The peacemaker—I kept everyone happy.
Projection & Judgment
Who or what do you judge harshly—and why?
Example Answers
• I judge people who brag—it reminds me of parts of myself I try to hide.
• I look down on people who aren’t productive—it reflects my own fear of laziness.
• I get irritated by overly emotional people—it reminds me of how I was as a kid.
What qualities in others do you find intolerable or annoying?
Example Answers
Example Answers
• Arrogance—I can’t stand people who think they’re better than others.
• Neediness—it triggers my fear of being smothered.
• Laziness—I get mad because I feel like I always have to do everything.
Is there something you secretly admire or envy in someone else?
Example Answers
• I envy people who set boundaries without guilt.
• I admire people who take up space and speak their mind.
• I wish I had the confidence of people who don’t care what others think.
Shame & Fear
What do you feel most ashamed of?
Example Answers
What do you feel most ashamed of?
Example Answers
• How much I crave approval.
• A secret I’ve never told anyone.
• How I treated someone I loved.
What are you afraid people would think of you if they knew the real you?
Example Answers
• That I’m deeply insecure.
• That I’m selfish or needy.
What would you never want anyone to find out about you?
Example Answers
• That I still struggle with something I thought I’d healed.
• That I sometimes feel numb or empty.
• That I’ve done things I deeply regret.
Patterns & Blocks
What are some recurring challenges in your life (relationships, work, etc.)?
What are some recurring challenges in your life (relationships, work, etc.)?
Example Answers
• I keep attracting emotionally unavailable partners.
• I always burn out after saying yes to everything.
• I avoid conflict but end up exploding later.
Do you notice any self-sabotaging behaviors? What might be behind them?
Example Answers
• I always burn out after saying yes to everything.
• I avoid conflict but end up exploding later.
Do you notice any self-sabotaging behaviors? What might be behind them?
Example Answers
• I procrastinate on things that matter—I’m afraid of failing.
• I push people away when they get too close—I don’t feel worthy of love.
• I keep quitting projects before they succeed—I’m scared of being seen.
Where in life do you feel stuck—and what might that be protecting you from?
Example Answers
• I feel stuck in my job—maybe because success would mean risking more judgment.
• I’m stuck in indecision—it protects me from making the wrong choice.
• I feel stuck in old habits—they feel familiar and safe, even if they’re painful.
Light Side of the Shadow (Hidden Gifts)
What positive qualities do you have trouble owning or expressing?
Example Answers
• My creativity—I’m scared it won’t be good enough.
• My leadership—I worry about being seen as bossy.
• My sensuality—it makes me feel exposed.
Have you ever been told you’re “too much” of something (e.g., too sensitive, too intense)?
Example Answers
Example Answers
• Too emotional—I cry easily and people comment on it.
• Too intense—I get deeply into things and others pull away.
• Too loud—I’ve been told to tone it down since childhood.
Is there a part of you that you wish you had more permission to express?
Example Answers
• My playful side—I’m always the serious one.
• My anger—I want to express it without guilt.
• My voice—I want to speak up more but feel silenced.
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